Riske Business: The 2016 Binness Awards

by Adam Riske

I sure hope 2017 is better.

Allows Me to Still Defend John Travolta: In a Valley of Violence

Angriest I Got During a Movie: Dirty Grandpa, The Lobster, High Rise, Sausage Party

Animation That Touches Your Head: Zootopia

Animation That Touches Your Heart: Kubo and the Two Strings

Best Audience Experience: Don’t Breathe

Best Performance in a Movie Not Enough People Saw: Ethan Hawke, Born to Be Blue

Best Performance in a Movie That You’re Fine if You Never See: Jonah Hill, War Dogs

Best Song: “Drive It Like You Stole It” from Sing Street

Best Supporting Actor in a Movie I Liked: John Goodman, 10 Cloverfield Lane

Best Supporting Actor in a Movie I Liked Much Much Less: Dan Fogler, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

Biggest Disappointments: 31, Blair Witch, Keanu

Biggest Waste of Pop Culture Calories: Ghostbusters (2016)

Decent: The Conjuring 2, Hacksaw Ridge, Snowden

Deserved a Better Fate than it Got: The BFG

Does Everything Right: Green Room

Does this Count for a Top Ten List? It Rules: O.J.: Made in America

Funniest Movie: Hunt for the Wilderpeople

Funniest Performance: Ryan Gosling, The Nice Guys

Funniest Scene: “What don’t you want?” in Hell or High Water

Give Me a Break: Lo and Behold: Reveries of a Connected World

Good but Not Great for Me: Manchester By the Sea

Good Except for the First Few Minutes Which are Unforgivable: Joshy

I Can’t Believe I Actually Saw… Alice Through the Looking Glass, Now You See Me 2, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows

I Dunno…I Liked The Songs??? Is that Good Enough?: Moana

I Had a Happy Childhood so I Don’t Need: Pete’s Dragon (2016)

I Loved it and then I Calmed Down: Don’t Think Twice, Finding Dory

I Mean…I Guess… The Handmaiden, Morris From America

Indies to Seek Out: First Girl I Loved, I Am Not a Serial Killer

I Only Remember the Airport Scene: Captain America: Civil War

It’s Fine: De Palma, Emelie, Hush, Jason Bourne, The Program, Raiders!: The Story of the Greatest Fan Film Ever Made, Southside with You

It’s Good but I Don’t Really Know Why: The Fits

I Wished I Liked it More: Everybody Wants Some!!

Just Didn’t Do It for Me…I Don’t Feel Bad: The Neon Demon

Just Didn’t Do It for Me…I Feel Bad: Beyond the Gates

Kevin Hart is Bad: Central Intelligence

Kevin Hart is Really Bad: Kevin Hart: What Now?

Kevin Hart is the Worst: Ride Along 2

Like Trying to Read a Book Written in Portuguese When You Don’t Know the Language or How to Read in General: Warcraft

Maybe Jeff Nichols Isn’t Awesome? Loving, Midnight Special

Meanest Movie (But Good): Nocturnal Animals

Meh: Arrival, Barbershop: Back in Business, The Edge of Seventeen, The Finest Hours, Into the Forest, Lights Out, Morgan, Southbound

Most Romantic: Moonlight

Movie I Liked a Little More Because Jan Likes it: The Shallows

Movies I Like More than Anyone Else: My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2, Nerve, Wiener-Dog

Movies that Hate You: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, Suicide Squad

Movie that Starts Fine and then Falls Off a Cliff: Rules Don’t Apply

Nope: Abattoir, The Boy, The Forest, My Blind Brother, The Magnificent Seven (2016), Mechanic: Resurrection, Office Christmas Party, Pet

Not Yet Released Indies to Seek Out: The Blackcoat’s Daughter, The Other Half, War on Everyone

Performance that Made a Meh Movie Good: Kristen Stewart, Café Society

Pleasant Surprises: Bad Moms, Deadpool, Deepwater Horizon, How to Be Single, Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising, Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping, Weiner

PTSD From My Own Life Experience: Goat

Reminded Me Alden Ehrenreich was Also Really Good in Tetro: Hail, Caesar!

Scariest Children: Those twins in The Witch

Scummiest Movie: Triple 9

Scariest Movie: Trash Fire

“Shocking” Movie that’s Not Shocking at All: Tickled

So Bad it Becomes Funny: Bleed for This, The Girl on the Train, Jack Reacher: Never Go Back

So Bad it Becomes Insulting: The Accountant

So Much Better than it Had Any Right to Be: Ouija: Origin of Evil

So Much Fun: Star Trek Beyond

Stab Me in the Fucking Scrotum: X-Men: Apocalypse

Starts Out Good and Then Decides to Kill Itself: Me Before You

Sweetest Movie: Life, Animated

These are Getting Better: The Purge: Election Year

Tom Hanks Movie Power Rankings: 1) A Hologram for the King 2) Sully 3) Inferno

Walkouts: Demolition, Hardcore Henry, Jane Got a Gun, The Legend of Tarzan, Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates, Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children

Whatever: Doctor Strange, The Jungle Book, Swiss Army Man

Why is Everyone Wowed by the Last Shot of this Movie? It’s Implausible!: The Invitation

Wished I Liked it More than I Did Because it’s Heart is in the Right Place: Yoga Hosers

Worst CGI: Independence Day: Resurgence

Would Have Been an Oscar Contender in 1998: Money Monster

WTF: Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk