Random Thoughts on 2017 Movies (January - February)

by Adam Riske

Plenty of Awards hopefuls getting their wide release, some garbage and a few other promising choices.

Note: I dog out a few of these movies, but don’t doubt that I will probably still see most of them. I’m like the guy who goes to see Why Him? and comments that the trailers before the movie look stupid. It’s like “dude, you’re there to see Why Him? EVERYTHING looks good to you!”

•  Life’s too short to see a movie starring both Greta Gerwig and Annette “Is that an Oscar? Can I hold it?” (Runs away) Bening. And why are there so many shots of people dancing in the trailer? WE GET IT! YOU’RE QUIRKY! #20thCenturyWomen

•  I’m down for Hidden Figures. The story doesn’t hook me necessarily but I’ll watch any movie with that cast (COSTNER! DUNST! HENSON! MONAE!). Why is Sheldon in this?

•  I’ve heard good things about A Monster Calls but I’m not sure I can handle a sick Felicity Jones. I mean, she just led a rebellion and this is the thanks she gets?

•  I will see any movie Martin Scorsese directs and you should too! #Silence

•  I’ve successfully gone from 2003 until now having never seen an Underworld movie. I will break that streak in 2017 with Underworld: Blood Wars and you will soon learn why.

•  I’m not sure why, but The Bye Bye Man having a PG-13 rating is really upsetting. I mean, if you’re going to make a movie called The Bye Bye Man and you’re expecting us to believe in a legend for a Bye Bye Man then fucking go for broke, kid!

•  I’ve heard Live By Night is the least successful of Ben Affleck’s directorial efforts. I’ll still see it, but I’m not surprised because Gone Baby Gone > The Town > Argo.

•  Why is Jane Levy in Monster Trucks? Was she nice on set at least?

•  I’m getting to the point where Adam Driver being in a movie makes me want to see it. Dude’s talented. #Paterson

•  I’ll probably see Patriots Day because Deepwater Horizon was surprisingly good, although I’ve read some reviews saying Patriots Day is in poor taste so I don’t know.

•  I’ve seen Sleepless already when it was called Waist Deep.

•  The Founder seems like an interesting movie. I eat a lot of McDonald’s, so I’m probably going to be on Michael Keaton’s side here.

•  Am I the only one left that gets really excited for new M. Night Shyamalan movies? #Split

•  I’m convinced Toni Erdmann only exists as a screener for critics.

•  xXx 3: The Return of Xander Cage is a movie I can only see with either Patrick and/or Mark.

•  I’m so down for The Red Turtle. Studio Ghibli gets me and it’s an excuse to drive down to the Music Box Theatre to see something.

•  I don’t even think Owen Wilson and Ed Helms want to see Bastards. And they star in it! Hasn’t the world passed this test already? We’re done with these guys. How many times do we have to prove it?

•  Ugh! A Dog’s Purpose. Two questions: Since Dennis Quaid is in this and in the trailer he throws a football, does that mean he’s playing Miami Sharks QB Cap Rooney again? Also, between this and The Space Between Us, do we need another movie where Britt Robertson falls in love in the heartland?

•  Gold doesn’t look that good, guys. And that’s all I have to say about that.

•  You’re pushing your luck, little man. #ResidentEvil:TheFinalChapter

•  There are a lot of bad movies coming out. #Rings

•  Same Kind of Different as Me has Greg Kinnear in it ,which is asking too much of this country.

•  I think it’s amusing how “Crazy in Love” has become the anthem of the Fifty Shades of Grey franchise. That aside, I have very little interest in Fifty Shades Darker. Whatever pervy delights I was going to get out of the series I’ve surely obtained from the original, right?

•  Look. I like John Wick. I’m excited for John Wick: Chapter Two, but I have to admit that part of me is pretending to be more excited than I really am to fit in with my action loving peers.

•  The trailer for The Lego Batman Movie is funny but it’s kind of weird to me that they’re making a movie that is essentially a joke to begin with. Is it just going to be hitting that note over and over for 90 minutes?

•  A Cure for Wellness looks like one of those movies from the late ‘90s that cost $100 million dollars and makes $8 million at the box office. Who is this for? Dane DeHaan fans? Gore Verbinski completists?

•  Fist Fight is the type of movie where funny people get together, don’t make a funny movie and then talk about how they’re better than it on podcasts 5 years from now.

•  Back in the day, a movie called The Great Wall would have starred Matt Damon and been a drama for adults about China. Nowadays it’s about protecting China from monsters. G-D have we gotten dumb if Hollywood thinks this is what we want.

•  A United Kingdom looks well-intentioned. I will never ever see it.

•  I’m excited to see Get Out. The trailer is really strange and intriguing and I’m curious to see what kind of director Jordan Peele is like, considering he’s a big fan of horror.

•  What is Rock Dog? (Watches trailer) Oh, ok. Yeah, I don’t have kids so there is no reason for me to see Rock Dog.

Riske Business: Random Thoughts About 2016 Movies (November-December)

by Adam Riske

Well, the Fall movie season was certainly underwhelming. Hopefully the year will close out strong.

• I’ve been hearing nothing but rave reviews for Moonlight, so I’m optimistic but I really hope it’s not just festival delirium on the part of critics.

• I mean, sure, I’ll see Doctor Strange, but I’m not anticipating it much. Marvel has become a cinematic oil change for me.

• Do kids care about trolls enough to want to see Trolls?

• I’m conflicted. Hacksaw Ridge is getting strong reviews and the movie looks interesting, but it’s directed by Mel Gibson and I’m not sure I want to support his movies. It’s not like he’s a supporting player; he’s a major piece here.

• I’m eager to see Jeff Nichols’ new movie Loving in order to forget about Midnight Special, which I thought was a rare but extreme misstep for him.

• I see almost any Christmas movie, so Almost Christmas might almost be a movie I go see.

• I wanted to check out Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk for a number of reasons – the story, the cast and director Ang Lee, whose work I usually like very much. Then I heard it’s shot in 120 fps. What a stupid idea. Remember 48 fps with the first Hobbit movie and how terrible that looked?

• Denis Villeneuve rules, so I’m down for Arrival despite not usually being a huge fan of movies about aliens.

• The cast does nothing for me, but I’m a huge Potter nerd so I’ll be there opening day for Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.

• I will see any boxing movie. #BleedForThis

• I shouldn’t want to see The Edge of Seventeen but I can’t deny the trailers make me laugh.

• Allied looks like homework, but I like Robert Zemeckis and Brad Pitt enough to still go.

• Give me a fucking break. #BadSanta2 #99PercentOfComedySequelsBlow

• I’m really looking forward to Moana. It seems so charming and Dwayne Johnson is the best. Disney is on a roll, too, so I doubt they’ll let me down. We’ll see.

• I didn’t love Tom Ford’s last movie (A Single Man) BUT Nocturnal Animals looks so lurid and interesting. I love its cast, too.

• For the life of me, I don’t know why I want to see Rules Don’t Apply so much but I do. The best I can chalk it up to is my Lily Collins crush.

• Manchester by the Sea is supposed to be incredible. I can’t wait to see it. Casey Affleck and Kenneth Lonergan are consistently awesome.

• Another movie getting awards buzz is Jackie, starring Natalie Portman. I think she’s a bit overrated as an actress but the subject of the former first lady in the days after John F. Kennedy’s assassination does sound like an interesting film.

• I saw the trailer for Kidnap starring Halle Berry today for the first time and it looks like a practical joke more than an actual movie. Who wants to see another movie about a child in jeopardy?

• I so hope La La Land is as great as everyone is touting it is. Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone are both super charismatic and it’s the follow-up to Whiplash (my favorite movie of 2014) from writer-director Damien Chazelle. I’m so there. If I had to pick the movie I think would win Best Picture, it would probably be this one.

• No Lion for me. It’s a Dev Patel movie from The Weinstein Company. They might as well have sprayed the film with Adam Riske repellant.

• I’m getting a Michael Clayton vibe from the ads for Miss Sloane. I’m sort of interested. I like Jessica Chastain enough to “blind buy” a ticket.

• I’m super down for Office Christmas Party. It’s a Christmas movie for starters, and it’s also a workplace comedy, which, as an office worker, I always find myself drawn to.

• I can’t make it through the trailer for Collateral Beauty without my eyes rolling to the back of my head. Will Smith…I mean, seriously? What the hell happened to you man?

• Good lord, does The Space Between Us look terrible. I’m not convinced this Asa Butterfield guy is a lead.

• The movie I’m most looking forward to (like most people) is Rogue One: A Star Wars Story. I’m just worried that Godzilla Edwards is going to fuck it up.

• Sing looks cute, but (yet again) I fall back on “I don’t have kids so I don’t need to see that.”

• I think Michael Fassbender is the man. Even with that, though, I have absolutely zero interest in Assassin’s Creed. Video game movies almost never work so why bother unless I hear down the line it’s good?

• I like Jennifer Lawrence (though not as much as I used to). I like Chris Pratt, too, but Passengers has one of the worst trailers of the year. I feel like I’ve seen the whole movie already and what I’ve seen looks like a classic big-budget disaster.

• I wrote about A Monster Calls in my previous 2016 column, but it got pushed back, so yay, good for them, I am giving them free advertising! I’m sure I’ll see it, especially if it makes top 10s/gets awards. I heard it’s divisive –some love it and other hate it with equal passion.

• Why Him? seems like this year’s Parental Guidance. I’m going to end up seeing it, aren’t I? I’m such a moron.

• I haven’t seen a really good movie from director Denzel Washington yet (though Antwone Fisher has some strong moments), but if the reviews are good, I’ll see his latest movie Fences. The trailer’s strong.

What holiday/award season movies are you the most interested in seeing?